LOL! That whole sentence is a juxtaposition. And I am absolutely not here to tell anyone how to put their baby to bed, and how many times you should or shouldn’t see to them in the night or what you should or shouldn’t do to get them to sleep.
But I am here to tell not only other mums but myself to drop the mum guilt. I’m inspired to write todays blog today from a few things, one of them is the recent podcast I did with @the_non_perfect_parents and reason was a post I read from @Lyndsey_hookway where she talks about ‘sleeping scapegoats’ and ways to soothe and settle babies/toddlers/children.
One thing Lyndsey said in her post was “It’s only a problem if it’s a problem for you.”
I have to say I love that line! And one thing myself and Emma (from the TNPPC) spoke about was how everyone is different. I really think we need reminding of this often. Here are some things we all know that are different;
House hold dynamics
Babies
Parents (non of us are the same)
Jobs, hours working if you work
Support of other family members
Childfree time
Children’s time in childcare if they go
Hitting milestones /developmental stages
Teething
Sleep sleep regressions
Change in environment/ new home, new baby etc,
And I’m pretty sure I’ve missed out a tone!
So we can’t all assume that one approach works for all. It’s just impossible. And we can’t assume that because this works for me, it will work for you. It might and but I might not.
Someone’s approach might work for them but it might not work for you, and you also just may not enjoy it. So if you’re trying one way you that stresses you it can cause more stress for everyone. I have personally realised in my motherhood journey I’m always adapting to what we do and no matter what I do sometimes my currently 22 month old will just be going through a phase. And I doubt I’m not the first mama to take it personal when someone asks “why aren’t you doing this or that”.
Luckily I have a lot of support around me so I don’t get negative comments often but I hold a high standard for myself as an mother and you cannot help but read peoples opinions online of “how it should be.”
I also personally think that sleep associations, anchors and patterns (whatever they are, are a positive thing for anyone).
One thing I’ve learnt from HypnoBirthing is we use certain tools, smells, words, anchors to allow our brains to feel safe for birth. So why should it be different for a baby? If there is something you do that you know allows your baby to feel safe and calm instantly why would you not do it? For example, a dummy, feeding to sleep, co sleeping, rocking to sleep, holding their hand to sleep, a certain lullaby, story or even all of them Especially if it’s in fear of someone thinking bad about your parenting.
I feel there are so many different approaches and it’s usually us mothers who hold the guilt for the finest upset in how much sleep they’re getting.
I recently had another mum tell me how she took comfort in me talking about how I am a big one for co sleeping, and I will always will be. We have phases where my little girl will sleep through in her own bed without waking and we have phases were she will get straight in my bed and times where she may do half the night in her bed and then come in our bed during the night. And trust me when I tell you I’ve tried doing the same thing everyday to keep that routine in check and doing “perfect bedtime” routine and it just hasn’t worked.
I have been the tired exhausted, crying mother blaming myself because she isn’t sleeping tonight or she’s going to bed later tonight. In reality they’re not robots, they’re little people. We don’t sleep through the night every night, we don’t eat the same amount every day and there are so many different feelings and things they could be experiencing we don’t always know.
So I think the best thing we can do is take the pressure off ourselves we can’t be perfect and we have to adjust. Many have said it before and I’ll happily say it again but I’d they’re fed, clean, safe and loved that really is the most important.
I’ll quote @Lyndsay_hookway again “it’s only a problem if it’s a problem for you.”
Trust your gut, do what you and your baby enjoy. And remember you’re doing your best and that is amazing! You are you little ones everything so don’t he stressed and hard on yourself. Focus on yourself and your babies happiness. In my case this can sometimes he bouncing on the sofa at 20:30 watching Tangled (singing along to the songs) because she’s just not tired.
As mothers were not Military institutions. We’re safety and love. Don’t let the negative comments or your own unrealistic high expectations get in your head. I believe majority of us are trying are best and want the best.
And to end on a good note… remember you cannot pour from an empty cup. You deserve that hour or that day or that weekend to yourself so you can feel charged and refreshed not without burn out.
Have a fab Monday ✌🏼
Here is the link to Emma’s podcast #Thenonperfectparentsclub I definitely recommend any mothers and parents to get involved in her community 👌🏼
And the post to Lynsday’s isntagram
Loved reading this!! Your right, we gotta just do whatever makes our life easy and saves energy! ❤️